he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
