im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
