Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
