I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
