she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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