Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
