and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That accounts for only three of the penises
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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