I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
