you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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