brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
