What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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