took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
