I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you inspire me to be a worse person
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
