Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
