omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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