I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
