I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
