the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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