Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
