you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There r osticjed everywhere
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
