I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
