I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
