whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
