Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
