I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
