I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't put those talents on a resume
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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