I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
