OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
