After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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