You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
