we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
