I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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