I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
