is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
