Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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