oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
