alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I want to be your penis for a week.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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