Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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