i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
