if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we have pet lesbian snakes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We have so much sex to catch up on
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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