How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
