I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
