Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
420 ftw
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
