But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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