we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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