You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
