good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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