its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
