So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
