Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
